You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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