one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
