I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
