Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
