Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
