maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
