It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Randomize
