"it" just moved
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
MIDGETS
????
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize