Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
