peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I haven't been this sober since birth.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
