Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
