It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just gargled with NyQuil
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize