it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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