Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
