The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
