Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
