East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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