Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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