Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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