he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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