my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
