why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
