He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
