Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
