I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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