like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
