Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
