you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
