I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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