Will you blow on my dice?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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