I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
