i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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