There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
