you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have peed in a lot of sinks
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize