dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
