Will you blow on my dice?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
