I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This is not my ceiling
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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