Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
