I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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