If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
