New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
