There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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