Yo dont text me then not text me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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