Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
