Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
