I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he thought i was a dude.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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