i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Damn victory sex feels great
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
