i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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