i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
