I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
