My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
