So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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