Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
