He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
