Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
