She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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