Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize