her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need to calm my uterus...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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