it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
