She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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