Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
