also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
