help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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