Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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