Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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