she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
nutella sex= disaster
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
