You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
