oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize