Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
