so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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