answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
