in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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